Childless support for the healing power of breath and sound.
The Chanting Circle . Cnbc Community Singing

 

Hi, I'm Helen 

I'm a singer and vocal coach from London,

I am also involuntarily childless.

My story is 

at the bottom of this page 

In 2020 I decided to to start Our Healing Voice running online vocal projects within the

Childless community for social support and self care. 

Vocalisation is also somatic practice.

Somatic practices are now recommended by therapists. 

 

Our Healing Voice

 

A space for childless women to discover the expression and supportive power of their individual voices. 

Disenfranchised childless grief  holds challenges for us , during and after the most difficult times .

We are the voices of our truth and of our life. 

...and of many other women, who are still shamed and silent in the World today.

 

Community Singing with CVC. 

 

Sing  in a social online and real life setting

All levels are welcome. 

No experience required. 

Private zoom before starting

 

 For sessions please email 

ourhealingvoice@gmail.com

 

 Testimonials.

 

'Joining Childless Voices was the best decision I’ve made in a long time. Through all my ups and downs, this singing group is my weekly little ray of sunshine'

... S. Yorkshire.

 

'Uplifting and life affirming' ... N. Essex 

 

'Warm encouraging teacher and a great advocate for people who are childless not by choice' ... J. London

'I have never sung previously. Helen has been patient and inspiring in helping me to find my voice' ... S. London

'I started the childless voices singing lessons with Helen in February '20. It was something for myself, something to do for my joy and wellbeing. I hadn't sung before and Helen and the group welcomed me in. Helen takes her time with all of us and listens to the way our body and emotions function.

I have been having breathing issues and she acknowledges that and other chronic health issues within the group and allows us to feel comfortable with our body and voice. Her best quality is that she makes the lessons extremely fun and for a couple of hours on a Saturday, we are out of our childless grief and into a singer's world.'  B. Brighton.

 

.............................. 

 

The Chanting Circle

every Sunday at 11am.uk time. 90 mins

Cost £10 

 

Affirmations set to music 

In English (non religious practice)

Reset and balance with

your vibrational sound.

To join please email 

ourhealingvoice@gmail.com

 Testimonials

 

'I very much enjoy Helen’s weekly chanting circle. It’s fun and enriching that it’s so international; people from a variety of countries join the chanting every week. Since I’ve started, I’m more aware of my breathing and I’ve noticed that I’m singing a lot more at home. Without trying, it’s like my voice has started to develop itself, catching tunes that I wasn’t able to sing before.' ... Lydie . N.L.

 

'The chanting connects me with both the community of women and with my inner self. It feels great to be part of a healing sisterhood.

I feel relaxed and restored after each session and return to the chants in my head during the week for calmness and strength.

Thank you so much Helen' ... N Brighton.

'Helen’s mother’s day chanting circle exceeded my expectations. I felt like Helen and my chanting cnbc sisters were holding a special space for me to cross over and find the place of acceptance. I will never forget that amazing hour. It will be one that lasts with me for the rest of my life. It was like a rite of passage had been taken.'

Special Mothers day Chant

... from a sister in Australia

 

'We are all born to use our voices

Yours is waiting,

for you to wake it up, 

Learn to let it resonate openly 

through your body

releasing and processing emotion...

Giving   yourself

pleasure and connection.'

.....Helen Louise Jones 

In online sessions, your sound has to be muted, because of technical reasons, its actually proved to be a positive ....

It means you can really let yourself go.

With women who know what it means to live without children you will gently open up your voice and find support for yourself.

 

Surprisingly ! We're not all crying in our tea,  often we're smiling and often laughing together.

 

However, in 'those' moments,

we are there for each other

We know, how hard it can be. 

We all have our personal stories, 

and have experienced isolating feelings ... 

 

All self care practices can support and help to heal. They are important ongoing rituals in our wellbeing.

 

Sing a song you love 

How do you feel ? 

Developing your voice is far more

than what you hear,

it's somatic healing (in body work)

 

When we chant and sing,

The natural vibrations from the sound stimulate the vagus nerve, triggering the parasympathetic (rest and digest) nervous system. We feel calmer, our brain, immune system, heart and digestive function is enhanced.

 

Our breathing elongates, our emotions shift and we feel the flow of energy through our opened bodies 

In freeing our voices, we create vibrational sound energy that flows through our bodies. 

We embody our sound, connecting with ourselves.

If you would like to know more 

please email 

ourhealingvoice@gmail.com

helencvc.jpg

 

 

Often the years we experience before coming to childlessness completely overwhelm and exhaust us and shake us to our very core.  

 

Our identities can be crushed 

Childlessness can leave with trauma in our bodies.

We are one in five adults over the age of 40.

Wider society is still not aware of these staggeringly high numbers or the  complexities of this major life issue. 

As well as our personal heartbreak,

a sense of shame and societal invalidation of our existence and feelings are a major part of our experiences.

Talking about childlessness is socially taboo and when we do speak up, we receive invalidating, marginalising, dismissive suggestions of a 'fix'.

 

These kinds of responses lead to more self suppression and create more layers of trauma and often an unhealthy disconnect with ourselves. A loss of memory, a loathing self image, a numbness. 

These are the responses of someone in survival .. 

 

The loneliness and pain of childlessness can feel unbearable...and with our means of self protection further damaging us, we can block our ability to openly express, release and process all that we experience , often daily  

 

Only in the last decade, have a few of the 20% of adults affected, bravely started to speak out about the experiences of living with this loss.

Whilst we can't change our childlessness

Things are changing for us and this is just the beginning.

 

....................

 

Change for the Childless  

 

The Childless community is growing. We are working together to educate and bring change in Society. To create a firm foundation for the generations to come. 

We know how it feels to be isolated, to find courage to reach out. To find support to help process and honour this complex set of emotions and experiences.

Together our voices create a global community.

If you would like to have the sessions diary

please email 

ourhealingvoice@gmail.com

 

'Gentle our minds. Gentle our hearts'

My Story

 

I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis at 18 after being rushed into surgery  for a laparoscopy. (Gynaecological internal photography through the abdomen)

I will never forget it. The Doctor came for less than 5mins, silently reading my notes and looking away. I asked him the results. He mumbled vaguely "couldn't see' 'inconclusive'.  I asked again, what did it mean ? He turned  briefly and said  'It's highly unlikely you will ever conceive.' 

 

Suddenly life stood still, until I felt my heart crash into the wall of my chest and my breathing stopped. I forced a

'What do you mean ? what happens now.....? ' 

'There's nothing to be done.' he replied. He signed my notes and left.  I couldn't take it in. I prayed to be in a terrible nightmare, so that I could wake up. 

' It happens to a lot of women' a nurse said matter of factly. 'Don't worry, you'll get used to it '

 

It couldn't be... I would never get used to it

 

Over the coming months , I descended into a kind of free fall, confusion, fear and panic , no one even noticed that I was

shocked and traumatised, I was alone, screaming inside my head, weak with silence to describe what I felt. How I could survive ? My life hadn't even begun and now it never would. 

 

Medically, there was no follow up and no support. In the 1980's, unmarried women didn't qualify for fertility treatment or even a consultation.  I only had  myself to rely on, so after months of losing my mind, I made a plan. To get myself together, stop crying and tell them I was engaged. At 19, I confronted doctors to begin a painful slow fight in the dark. I underwent single solitary tests, six months apart, to determine .... anything.

 

A woman at work who had a hysterectomy at 25, took me under her wing. I was to demand investigative surgery. I insisted and insisted, it took years. I was married by 24 and they agreed.

 

A very nice surgeon spent 7 hours unsticking my organs, removing a great deal of scar tissue and cleaning me up. But  diagnosis remained. The follicles at the ends of my tubes were too damaged. I took a deeper breath and convinced myself that I would have a child. It would happen. The alternative was unthinkable."

 

" Dealing with infertility and painful endometriosis is an exhausting life.

Emotionally,  mentally,  physically and socially.

 

My body dominated, the pain was often relentless and I remember feeling mildly euphoric and relieved on physically pain free days, ten a month, if I was lucky.

 

On those days I could forget that I may not have children, I really needed the breaks from it. As long as no one randomly asked me 'do you have kids yet ?' at which point my day would be ruined, again. Holding onto my sanity and those pain free days meant that I cultivated denial, it played a big part in my survival.

 

I had no support, no leveller. I would totally zone out to escape .... and  from everything else too. I was vague, non responsive, late, forgetful, non committal, disinterested. Nothing else mattered.

By the mid 90's I was in my late twenties, attempting to leave a very unhealthy six year marriage. I was panicking, I couldnt waste my life. He wasn't supportive but he was controlling, it was a stressful situation. 

 

I was prescribed an ovulation drug for three years instead of the now regulated, six months...I then asked about IVF but was refused by the NHS, as my then husband already had a young child with a previous partner.As far as they were concerned , we had a child in our life ..

 

My mental , emotional and physical health was falling.

At 30 and gave myself solace and rest, I left my marriage and reflected on my  life, it had no resonance  to anyone else's life that I knew.

Only my closest friend had known my true heartbreak, we told each other everything and we'd go to karaoke...she loved it and it got me out of my mindset.I was OK, above average, nothing great....But she suggested I took singing lessons.

'Do something for you Helen' 

I needed the distraction.  So a bit uncomfortably, I did.

 

I began weekly lessons with a French ex grand dame of Opera and cabaret. She lived locally and was always kind, she believed in me, or it felt like it. She would say 'Helene you 'ave a voice for jazz.'  She'd recite her amazing stories and helped me see that I could change my life if I chose to.

I kept singing and my confidence grew.

 

In three years, I was singing lead in a band and studying

Jazz and Gospel Vocal at Goldsmiths in London.

I had a fantastic teacher there too and the whole singing experience began to reconnect me with ' me that was me '.

it was liberating. I realised how just much I needed my voice. A strong link to my inner world, it help me to process emotions and own my identity.

 

My voice was mine and mine alone

and unlike my chance to have a child,

no one could take it from me.

 

When I sang, I was free, at peace. I became physically and mentally stronger and despite my illness, better able to function. I felt resilient, confident and active....Music and creative vocal expression became my world, my passion, refuge and expression for life. 

 

While my childless state remained, my singing life grew both privately and professionally. It took me abroad to live and work in Asia, I was expanding and evolving. I had times of feeling joyous and adventurous, feelings I thought I would never experience.

 

Of course, there was still no 'fix', I still hoped and still had sad times and moments. But it wasn't like before. My voice with its resonance and power, opened me... I felt alive.

 

Helen Louise Jones